Tuesday, May 25, 2010

California Dreams...unraveled with Hope

I could say that if I actually got around to having internet set up at my apartment, I would update on a regular basis, but honestly, I probably wouldn’t. Maybe I’d update more often than I do now, but still it wouldn’t be much…even though I actually write these at home and then just upload them at the office…if I remember.

Anyway, continuation of business trip out west:

Drove from Vegas to LA. Hotel was next door to Hooters…saw many gross men. I was up super early to be at the warehouse by 7. And since I had to take the 405, I had to leave by 6:15 at the latest. I spent a couple hours in the warehouse talking to some of the guys and going through day-to-day operations before one of them took me out on the road to visit sites. First stop was Venice. I discovered you don’t have to be down by the beach to come across the weird Venicians. There really is something special about them (like eat paste special btw) – why do they flock to Venice anyway? The last stop of the day was all the way up by Magic Mountain. The site (a residential house) was a typical 1 story, ranch, small stucco rectangle socal house and while the inside was gorgeous, the backyard was awful. It looked like a junk yard, which is a shame. I’m talking “hoarder” status. Anyway, Friday I got to go up to Pasadena/Azusa area – saw my alma-mater. Also quickly noticed that in the 3 years since I graduated, there has been added to the store complex across the street from East campus among other things, a Jamba Juice and a Pinkberry. I was not happy. They also finally installed a traffic light at main campus entrance/exit so that 1. pedestrians and cyclists could stop getting hit and 2. people trying to leave campus in a vehicle wouldn’t have to either wait forever or risk their lives to pull out onto the road. When I was there I would either turn right, or drive back through the mods housing to get out. Had in-n-out and most importantly, COFFEE BEAN!!!!!!!!!! I missed it so much!! My amazing cousin Michelle had sent me their vanilla powder to make my own vanilla latte at home, but that ran out and so anyway, I was overly-ecstatic to drink my coffee bean vanilla latte. Anyways, I learned a lot about what the techs and supervisors do and that the process is a lot more involved than I ever realized. It also helped me understand how to write the policies to better fit the company rather than just writing a bunch of rules and regulations when I had no idea how any of it worked.

Friday evening I drove down to Lake Forest to Heather and Brian’s house. I didn’t know it was a house though. I figured they just shared an apartment. As I drove closer and closer and then turned into a development I realized, “They live in a HOUSE?!” It’s a very nice house too. With the absolute BIGGEST hot tub I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s practically the size of a small pool. Brian was MIA so when the girls got there we all went out to dinner and had a great time of girl-talk. It was so nice to see them all again. I hadn’t seen any of them in at least 2 years…and Christy I hadn’t seen since senior year of college, but hadn’t even really hung out with her since freshman year. Which leads me to this thought: The perceptions of people we meet in freshman year of college are generally wrong. Not that Christy wasn’t nice, but she is definitely not a goody-two-shoes as I had perceived. Of course, there was a part of me that was just jealous because both my boyfriend at the time and the guy I liked actually liked her…kinda held that against her. But that’s really old news. She’s awesome, as is Emily (who I really just didn’t know that well at all). It all made me really wish I had done SO many things differently. How different would’ve my life been if I’d made different choices? But I guess I can’t really fret about it. What’s done is done. We can’t go back, so have no regrets. Why get stuck looking at the past when there is a huge future full of new choices to make staring us in the face (or in the back if your facing your past). I’m not saying you should just forget the past. You shouldn’t. You can’t (at least not without hypnosis). Your past helped make you the person you are today. Every single part of it – good, bad, and worse. You can’t forget, but you can deal with it and move on—don’t dwell on what might’ve or could’ve been—look to what will be.

Everyone I saw told me at least once that I should move back to Cali. I love it there, I really do...but that's not where I'm supposed to be--at least not right now. I'm not saying I'll never go back, but not right now. Last time I was there I made an impulse decision that I was going to move back as soon as I was done in Spain. Spain ended sooner than planned and I found I was not moving to Cali. There are reasons. The main point behind the reasons is that when I first went back I had lost my identity and was desperate to find it again and thought CA was it. Then I went to Spain and things changed. I tried to find identity in the wrong things and in the end came back to the only identity that matters - identity in Christ. I do nothing without taking it to God and it's clear that CA is not my place right now...and not because i JUST moved to hotlanta. I love my friends there and they mean the world to me, but in some regards, I've just moved on from that life that I lived in CA and to go back would be backstepping in my life. If there comes a time that moving back to CA would be stepping forward and upward, then I'll do it. But that time isn't right now.

So that was heavy, Anyway, Saturday I drove up PCH and it was gorgeous. The houses on the beach side (north of Manhattan beach) are so unique and crazy (even though not my personal style). Then when you hit Malibu the cars parked in the driveways are even more impressive. Drove right on by Moonshadows (let’s face it, there isn’t much draw if Mel “sugartits” Gibson isn’t there getting his flirt on with ladies younger than some of his children. The water though…the water was gorgeous. It was sparkling. I love the ocean. I’m not a huge fan of actually going in the water, but to be on the beach or on the rocks or on a boat – I love that. I love the smell of the sea (which is why I had the windows down on a pretty cold day). I think I missed my calling as a pirate queen (only by a few hundred years). I should clarify…there are some oceans I don’t like…or parts of an ocean. The Atlantic Ocean between Cape Cod and the Carolinas is not much to behold…especially in Jersey. The Pacific Ocean, the Caribbean (which I know is not an ocean), the Mediterranean—these I love and want a house on each of them one day to go to when I feel like it haha(France, Central Coast, CA, and maybe Barbados or St. Martin (the French side)).

I headed to the airport and hopped on the redeye back to Atlanta. I got in about 6am so I somehow made it home without falling asleep and forced myself awake at 10 to go get the puppy from the pethotel. When I got there, he had just finished his morning playtime in the playroom with the other dogs, so I asked, “Did he actually play?” The guy was like kinda nervously, “Noooo, not really, he watched and looked like he wanted to play but it was like he wasn’t sure what to do.” I just laughed and told him, “yeah that sounds about right.” As soon as I opened the apartment door, Quincy took off and jumped on the couch and laid down…and then I did and fell asleep for awhile. Those red-eyes are killer.

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