This isn't somehing you hear many people saying (sincerely, without sarcasm), but I loved being back in Jersey this past weekend. I'd been gone for a couple months and missed my church family so much. Gateway became and will always be "home" for me.
Saturday night I drove to the Knudsens to meet up with That's so Raven to go out see a movie, catch up, but instead we ended up staying at the Knudsens making and eating smores around a fire in the backyard...until it started to rain. Well, actually, we sat in the rain until the fire was almost out and then went inside. The rain felt good.
Sunday I woke up knowing it was absolutely going to be an amzing day. I was going to be back at Gateway seeing my friends and family in Christ. I was going to meet my friend Becca's 2 1/2 month old twins, and James was officially back from China. So yeah, I was right - it was a pretty darn near-perfect day. I loved Becca's babies--Phoenix and Fiona. I was pretty much constantly holding one or the other. They were beautiful and sweet and I want one haha. Although, there were a couple comments made about how maybe I shouldn't be holding a 2 month old baby after having been gone for 2 or 3 months...and sitting next to the guy that's been gone for 10 months and we were both back for the first time lol. Of course, if you know anything about either of us, you know it was just kind of a ridiculously funny comment...because as far as I know, my name's not Mary (if you catch my drift). I also discovered that car seats are not as easy to work as they appear...and getting a real baby into one is not as easy as getting dolls in. With dolls you can shove 'em in, move them however you want, etc. but with a real baby, you can't just take their arm off and put it back on...lol. I hated to let Becca take the babies home, but then they came back for youth group later.
For years I always thought "Yeah, I guess I'll have a kid...just one...cuz you are supposed to have kids, so fine, I'll have one" but I certainly wasn't dying to get married and actually have said kid. When I worked at the preschool, I started realizing that I really do want kids...which is odd considering some of the monsters I had. The worst one was actually my favorite. Josh. He caused a lot of trouble but he was such a sweetheart...and hilarious. Bu, as soon as I had Becca's babies in my arms this weekend, it was an instant realization that I do want children - I can't imagine not having my own children one day (biological or adopted, doesn't matter). It was kind of like the second Phoenix was in my arms, my biological clock started ticking--loudly. I know it is a part of God's will for my life to have a family so I am just going to have to trust God for the right man to marry and start a family with--to spend my life with. He's out there, and it will be the right timing at some point...I just pray that point is sooner rather than later. God knows the desires of my heart and my future husband's heart so the hearts just have to come together. I just keep thinking that after the guys God's allowed to walk out of my life, the real man for me is going to be amazing. If I thought those guys were great and perfect for me (at first anyway), imagine what the actual "One" will be like. In the meantime, I'll just keep dating Jesus :)
Anyway, the funniest thing happened at youth group. Well, I find it funny...Raven looked like she was going to murder me. You all probably remember the infamous game I always get injured in and yet continue to play--Circle of Death. I didn't think I would be playing because my COD partner had been banned from playing shortly after I left. However, Shawn and Simon decided since I was back, she could play. As soon as the circles start going, my phone rings...I probably shouldn't have looked at it, but I did and I answered. I saw it was James and immediately answered without thinking because for the past 10 months this is what you had to do. You had to answer when he called because you couldn't just call him back. I forgot he was back in America...eve though it was his ringtone and the display said "James" not the generic ring and the display saying "00012345..." Anyway, I answered and Raven saw me and started yelling frantically for me to hang up...instead I continued playing and try to hear what James is saying at the same time...even get through the first round but since I didn't really understand a single thing he said, I left the circle for a couple minutes. Luckily for me, Simon let us jump back in the game when I came back in the room. If he hadn't have done that, I wouldn't be writing this...because I'd be dead. There is a reason Raven was banned from the game.
Monday was very emotional for me. I hated having to leave again...so much that I cried when beginning my drive back to GA. I don't doubt that I'm supposed to be in GA at this point in time, but that doesn't make it easy. It doesn't mean that my heart doesn't break a little bit everytime I have to leave my friends and church. I just pray that God will reveal His will for my life more and more each day. Franklin Roosevelt said once, "we have nothing to fear, but fear itself"--but in reality, we have nothing to fear but God and if we fear God, we have nothing to fear. Nothing can beat us with God on our side. Life will get us down, and try to break us, but it won't succeed.
Ok, that was a long post. I'm done. Go back to your life now.