Thursday, June 17, 2010

T-minus 1 month!

1 month till Boston!! I had the option to bring a date to the wedding, but I don't really know anyone in Boston and my guy friends in NJ probably aren't up for the drive...and we'd have to get 2 hotel rooms because they wouldn't feel right sharing a hotel room even though we're just using it to sleep. Hotel rooms in Boston are too expensive for that. So I'm going alone. And hey, if you take a date to a wedding, you won't meet a single guy who is also at the wedding. I actually do know a guy in Boston, but I haven't seen him since college and we were really just passing acquaintances even though I had a big crush on him, so I can't exactly randomly ask him out of the blue to go to a wedding. I can't handle any more rejection lol.

I am also excited because the reception is at The Harvard Club which is very close to this coffee place called Pavement which is amazing because they serve pour-over coffee. You have no idea how good a GREAT cup of coffee sounds right now. Atlanta has crap for coffee. There are starbucks all over the place, and if you don't want starbucks, there is Seattle's Best at Borders (of course, seattle's best is the only thing worse than starbucks). I want real, good-tasting coffee from a unique coffeeshop.

I have to admit, I'm not superpsyched for the actual wedding...Rachel is one of the last high school friends to get married. All my college roommates are married, and I saw a class picture of my senior class from high school and I went through it pointing and saying, "married, married, married, engaged, married, if he gets married before me I'll scream, married, engaged, married with kid, all-but-engaged, me, married, single, dating, dating, married, married with kid, divorced with kid, bachelor forever, etc. etc." Get the picture? Probably about 85% of my senior class is married or engaged. There's a part of me that's jealous of that...to know who you're hopefully going to spend the rest of your life with would be great. But you know what? If I had been married, or even dating someone, I would never have done the things I've done (the good, adventurous, once-in-your-lifetime kind of thing). If I was dating/engaged/married, would I have been able to quit my job and completely uproot myself and move to Atlanta? I've also discovered I'm somewhat scared of getting married. I want the stability, but I've also seen the reality of what can happen. Sometimes I wish I could have an arranged marriage and then just make it work. I want kids, hands down, I want kids. I even see myself marrying someone who already has kids, but yeah, I'm scared of marriage. I'm not scared of commitment, just marriage. Part of that is the fear of losing my freedom and individuality. I don't want to just be someone's wife. I'm me...and I will be me always. The man I marry cannot want to squash that. He will have to want me and encourage me to pursue the things I want to do. I will do the same for him--it's not a selfish thing. I'm going to marry a 'go-getter'--someone with an enormous spirit for getting up and going--taking advantage of opportunities and not be content with just staying still. We'll take on the world together--as equal partners on a team and with God before us. If I find a man like that, then I'll marry him in a heartbeat. I don't think I've ever met a man like that. So in the meantime, I'm content with being single. I won't date just to date. I have this ability to know when someone is definitely not the one...I'll meet a guy, and even if he's handsome and a possibility, or if he likes me more than just a friend (which doesn't really happen that often...very rarely actually), I stop, consult God, and I tend to get my answer right away. Now, whether or not I go with the answer or if I torture myself until I finally accept the answer is a whole other matter lol. You know, like when God says, "No, he's not it" but you really like the guy so you just keep pursuing the guy and hoping God's answer will change? I learned to just start accepting the answer right off the bat.

Ok, I got off on a tangent. I'm done now. Sorry.

so anyway, Boston in a month! Wooo!!! :o)

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